Help! My Child is Gay

Homosexuality is not abnormal or a sin but a sexual preference. As a parent, refrain from making your love conditional and extend emotional support to your child

Some people conjure up the worst when they hear the word ‘homosexual’ It is looked down upon by them as an aberration or a corrupt value imitated from the west. Gays and lesbians are thought of as a curious group of people within society. It is, however, no more considered to be a sin or an abnormality. If you think that this might not be any of your problems think again. What if your child grows up to be gay?

Between Her Reality and Your Desire

Shock is something most parents experience when they learn that their child is a homosexual. This cannot be happening to you. Your son cannot be gay. Your daughter is definitely not living with another woman!

But you need to come to terms with the fact that homosexuality is a reality. Let’s start by accepting that:

Normalcy

Normal is a relative word. What you consider normal can be considered abnormal in another culture. Sexuality is a fraught area where societies around the world try and control it, make rules for it, and even take punitive action against those who stray. It is up to you if you want to pass judgment on your own child or make his life more bearable.

Nothing Must Change – Continue to love and support your child. If you accidentally discover that your child is gay, it may shock you and them alike. Nevertheless, as always, your child needs your love and support, homosexual or not. No one is responsible for it. In fact, there is nothing to be said, responsible or guilty about.

Your child’s sexual preference is their own choice and is not and should be directed by you. A parent’s love and care cannot be contingent on the child’s “right” or “wrong” sexuality. Remember right or wrong is an imposed judgment; nothing to do with sexuality per se.

Be Open – Be open with your child and do not neglect them. Do not neglect or snub your child for their alternate lifestyle. Talk to them and try to understand the situation. This will help you gain valuable insight into the issues your child has to grapple with because of their sexual preference. Also, this will make their life at home more comfortable.

• Be Positive – React positively instead of being negative. Think about how your child’s lifestyle has had an impact on you or other members of the family. Are things really the same? Is there a strong and invisible current of nervous tension in the household? Have you actually come to accept the choice of your child or do you secretly grudge their choice? Have you been freely open with your child after they came out of the closet? Answer these questions. If you find you’ve been negative, change it.

A negative attitude will only aggravate your child’s problems. Maintain your composure. Cultures around the world are mostly homophobic. So protect your child from oppressive comments and jeers. Encourage your child such that they do not go into depression. A positive attitude will make the overall situation more relaxing, manageable, and stress free.

Be Honest This is a two way street. You don’t need to stifle all your thoughts and opinions on the matter. Share your feelings even if they are of confusion and disapproval. Maybe your apprehensions are misplaced? He or she will appreciate it and work on alleviating your pain in a more conscious way. This will mend and strengthen the bond of trust and love that have of late suffered.

Taruna Pandit, a clinical psychiatrist comments on homosexuality, “According to a survey at least 10% of the total population in a society has ever had some sort of homosexual experience. One should not be shocked. Homosexuality has been a part of human society since ancient times. ” She regrets, “Parents of homosexual children do not know how to manage the situation properly. This usually has disastrous results for the parents as well as for their children.”

Homosexuality is a way of life and is gradually gaining exposure and acceptance in modern day society. However, still a large section of our society remains ill-informed on the subject. Ignorance, prejudice, social conditioning and moral taboos lead to a blind censorship of anything that is not considered “normal.” Homosexuality, on the other hand, has always been present in human society. But due to various reasons, it has come to be less and less acceptable in our world. And even though the social fabric of our world is changing, parents still have to struggle with the question of alternative sexuality while responding to the moral diktats of society.