Vision Search organized a webinar on the topic- ‘Leadership lessons from fathers in a Home’ on occasion of father’s day. The speakers on the session were Rakesh Jinsi, President at SOS Children’s Villages of India, Sandeep Gupta- Consciousness and Culture Expert, Hargovind Sachdev- Banking Professional, Advocate Rakesh Singh- Practicing Advocate and Inderjyot Singh- Business Head- Mountain Monk Consulting and training.
The webinar was hosted by Mona Mehra, Founder-Vision Search, Work-Life Balance Coach, Work-Home integrator and Vasudha Arora- Principal, Art therapist, Happiness life coach. The discussion was interactive with some very interesting insights.
Excerpts from the Interactive Session
Q1- One lesson that you remember that you learnt from your father?
- Hargovind sachdev stated that his father played multiple roles successfully and involved himself in rearing the children to be good citizens. He learnt from his father that be good to everyone and not to focus on self-growth but if you cultivate others then a good family takes shape.
- Rakesh Jinsi learnt discipline from his father and observed truthfulness in not just words but in his actions as well. He also learnt the importance of relationships. Things he learnt that one should not do was to be overly sensitive and fearful. Also that temper should be controlled.
- Sandeep Gupta stated that his relationship with his father was not an ideal one. He never wanted to be like his father but when he became a father he found that he was a clone of him. For children, parents are like gods hence they imbibe everything. One thing that he learnt was irrespective of time, good, bad or ugly - hold on to your values, do not give up and do not look back.
- Rakesh Singh stated that what I am is because of my father. I come from humble background and father taught if you do not have resources that does not mean you cannot achieve. He never comprised on honesty and values. He taught us to understand people intentions. He taught us to live with minimal resources.
- Inderjyot singh stated that lesson learnt from his father was of faith in the almighty and surrender to god. We inherit many values from parents and should have faith in yourself. His father taught him to live in the moment.
Q 2- Nowadays, fathers are more involved in upbringing. Parents teach many things to a child and are leaders building future leaders. What do you think should be the focus in upbringing process?
- Sandeep Gupta outlined that for children parents are like gods and they imbibe everything at the subconscious level. Nurturing is the big responsibility of the parents. Treat yourself as the trustee of the child. If you want to nurture the child, then be involved and lead by example. Four things are required for nurturing- Seen, Sooth, Safety and Security. See the child as they are, when in distress sooth him, make him feel safe and lastly give the child the confidence to talk to you about anything without being judged.
- Rakesh Jinsi commented that balance is to be maintained between building capability or competence and character building. We have let character go thinking that it will come on its own. Our focus on has gone on competence building and focus on character is not there. Higher weightage and focus on character building and lesser on capability as that can be built later but not character.
- Inderjyopt singh stated that we should not say no or stop children from making mistakes. Parent should be solution architects. When they make mistakes then try and mentor the child. Give independence to children and try guiding the child rather than reprimanding them all the time. In leadership language nowadays - NO means ‘New Opportunity’.
- Hargovind Sachdev commented that his father played the role of a lighthouse and said ‘past in our mind and future is in our hands’. Mother is close to heart and father closer to mind. Father played the role of a motivator and help us become good citizen of life.
- Rakesh Singh said Parenting is an art, give freedom to the child. Don’t put in bracket and give freedom. Your duty is to remove the dangers from the surrounding.
Q3- When we talk of a family, there is bonding, teamwork, leadership which are similar to the terminology we use in corporates. Do you think all these aspects are present in a home? What are your views on the same?
- Rakesh Jinsi- There is too much of ‘I’ an ‘me’ and nucleusness in the families. The space for neighbor, relatives, family, distant families has become causality. When we were growing there was a lot of involvement of parents in our times and there was wholesomeness in our bringing. We have to find ways and means to enlarge the space and include all these elements as they help building character, personality and capability. We have to strike a balance somewhere.
- Sandeep Gupta- When a child is born there is bonding with the child, then we play and teach teamwork and then we lead by example. This is human terminology and not Corporate terminology. Corporates have borrowed it from the family. Corporate is just 150 years old and they have borrowed from family. We have to be mindful that we are building children as individual and not as clone of ourselves.
- Inderjyot Singh- Organization is first in home. All these terminology is there in a home. Just like in an organization an employee has growth path, a child should be given freedom and independence to take decisions. When they make mistakes, then mentor them and they will learn. This way they will grow. Let thoughts evolve in a child and give freedom and cultivate leadership qualities in child. In good organizations they know those who fail become good leaders as they have gone through the process and know and have learnt the lesson. In similar way let your child do mistakes.
- Rakesh Singh – Yes all these terminologies are there in a home. My personal experience is in joint family of 11 cousins and 25 people total. There was bonding and I was closer to my uncle and my father was close to my cousins. There was teamwork between ladies to cook food and there was no conflict. My grandfather was the leader who used to pass order. There was discipline and timing for breakfast, lunch, dinner and everything was arranged with less resources. My grandfather was a great leader, although he was not very educated.
- Hargovind Sachdev- These terminologies are discovered in family and ornated in boardrooms. I remember participating in school drama and getting late in reaching home and thinking I will be scolded the next day but my trophies and I were much appreciated next day. The teamwork motivated me and my brother and sister so much that we all become successful in our careers. These terminologies had nascent birth in family life and are practiced and harnessed in corporate life.
Q4- At times a child is going through a trauma and parents are needed to take care of the child. If both parents are working they have an argument who should be the one taking care of the child as both do not have time. Wouldn’t a parent be more effective than a maid or crèche?
- Rakesh Singh- In times of trauma it is not possible to leave child. My leisure time is with my child and they are not a responsibility or burden. Whenever we bringing a child to earth we should have thought about it.
- Hargovind Sachdev- Trauma is to be handled emotionally by parents and expert. Yes, crèche or maid is necessary for the development for the child. The concept of crèche or early school in canada is not bad and they bring techniques and they teach a lot opening doors, cleaning floors etc. My grandson learnt many things in a crèche with maid. Crèche and maids makes the child complete.
- Sandeep Gupta- Child requires parents in times of trauma, not only father but both as both are equal and complementary. Sharing my personal experience my daughter was asked to take care of child when she was pregnant. The second child of my daughter is adopted. The adopted child was for 9 months with caretaker who took very good care of her. When she came she was showered love and care yet there lacked emotional bonding. It took 2years for emotional bond to come into place. Formative years of 4-5 years are so delicate that brain science also says that they are very sensitive. No one can substitute a parent. Leave with maid and the child develops defense mechanism and no emotional bond.
- Rakesh Jinsi – The role of mother has been so diluted or it has been downgraded that ladies find better dignity and better aspirational value doing job and leaving upbringing of child to maid or crèche. Society or more so males are responsible for it as we gave the office and money more importance than role of mother. Society the way it will develop it all depends on the mother as she brings values to a child. We have pushed women out for job for desired to feel successful. Had we given the value to household job then the situation would not have been there. The condition of the society is such because children are brought up by maids, crèches and part time mother. There is no replacement for mother.
- Inderjyot Singh- Nowadays creche have become significant part of lives as both parents are working but in difficult situation parents are important. People remember in the bad times and who take care of them. If they have positive examples they register it. We have to give them love, care, respect and stand with them in the difficult times.
The discussion on the topic was very significant and there was much to learn from the insights shared by everyone. The idea behind the discussion was to showcase various aspects of leadership exists in a home as in offices.